Death Morty
by HookahSocialism
Summary: Morty finds a deathnote and becomes the Duterte of the new world.


Morty is at school and gets a simple history question wrong. The teacher makes a quip if he spent half as much time paying attention in class as he does his anime porn he'd be an A student. All the other students look at him and laugh.

He's eating some lunch and some fat and mean kid grabs his pudding cup. "Thanks faggot."

He's walking in the hall and some girls giggle and say "we're gonna get so plastered even that Morty kid would be attractive." "Noone can get THAT drunk Katey!"

Morty just stares at a poster with a stoic expression about how to call this anti bullying hotline if you're experiencing harassment.

"This world is rotten..."

All of a sudden as he walks outside he notices an open book.

"Someone drop their textbook? Hmm...anybody's name written upon this book will die. Oh geez I better tell Rick."

At home Rick is looking at a kaladeiscope.

"Imma find you singularity!"

"WOOEE LOOKIT ME! I'M A SUB ATOMIC PARTICLE THAT'S LIKE...1/100THS OF AN ATOM!"

"Thats not the singularity..."

He spins it a few notches and looks deeper. He sees a particle wearing a fedora writing an article for return of kings.

"THERES (belch) THE SINGULARITY!!!"

"Rick! I...I found something Rick!"

"Damn it Morty! Why (belch) why do you gotta intterupt me when i'm doing my science?!"

"Doing your science Rick?"

"Yeah (BELCH) Morty, doing my science! I'm smart enough Morty where I don't even have to use propper grammar to sound smart!"

"Rick I found this book that says it kills people!"

"Lemme see that!"

Rick snatches it and examines it with the kaladeiscope.

"Oh yeah... (belch) this is a deathnote. Shinigami like to sometimes mess with delusional and mentally unstable humans handing them one to cause havoc on our dimension Morty. They're basically space internet trolls and this is year old memes."

"Well uhhh Rick...I mean, I mean is it really getting trolled if you get what you want? I mean think about it Rick. I could...I could use this to change the world! I could murder all the wrongdoers of the world and no police on the planet could indict me!"

The first season of Death Note intro plays with Morty's head over Light Yagami, Jessica as Misa, qnd the apple that alien dildo from the VR game.

"Wow...im not the only one who saw that right? (belch!)"

Rick takes out his flask and drinks.

"Gimme that book Rick! I'm...I'm gonna use this too..."

"To what Morty? Kill some of your classmates who were mean to you? Kill a teacher so you get out of taking a test?"

"No Rick i"m gonna..."

"Oooh lookout readers! Morty is thinking bigger! Are you gonna kill all the world leaders of the world Morty? You gonna become magical Isis man Morty? (belch!)"

Morty pushes Rick out of the way and writes down a name.

"I saw this guy on the news Rick...he molested seven kids."

They turn on the television and that child molestor was in court and had a massive heart attack in the middle of the preceedings.

"Im gonna rid the world of all the most terrible convicted felons Rick!"

"Ooooh! Keep reading everybody! Morty thinks he's (beeelch) Duterte!"

"Yo...you're condescending fourth wall breaking isnt gonna stop me Rick!"

"Nono please continue. At least a shinigami will enjoy this freakshow."

"You know what Rick?"

Morty turns around to write Rick's nane in the book but pulls back.

"You...you just shutup Rick! This is gonna work and we all are gonna be better off!"

Morty is writing names down of many convicted felons. He spends all night doing it. Wiping the sweat off his brow. He falls asleep dropping the pen, dreaming of a world without criminals.

"Morty thats the wrong answer. But you know what? Stay after class and ill give you a private lesson. I think its what God would want..."

In the lunchroom the fat guy walks by and puts a pudding cup down.

"Hey man you look kinda thin... have mine."

The girls talk to him.

"Maybe we should get to know you and judge you based off your character instead of looks and money."

But as he is walking down the hall Rick is there dancing in a halloween devil costume.

"Aint gonna get your utopia Morty! They can stab it with their knives, but they just cant kill the beast! WUBBA LUBBA DUBDUB!!"

Morty suddenly wakes up.

"Just a dream..."

He puts on the tv and the newscaster says with so many dead suddenly the senate in an hour has passed a bill allowing people with traffic violations to be sent to prison for two years. Ten if black.

"What?!"

A swat team bursts in and punches him in the gut and jaw, then drags him by his feet.

"Ill improve my credit score I swear!"

"I gotta get Rick!"

He runs to the living room. Rick is lounging on the couch watching alien Seinfeld.

"What is up with golopogorps?! They dont glorp...AND THEY DONT LORP!"

"hehe they dont lorp..."

"Rick! Rick you were right! Something...somethings gone wrong!"

Rick rolls his eyes.

"Oh gee Morty who would have thought? You take away the pariahs and society sets an even more ridiculous standard. Im soooo shocked! Especially (belch!) especially pariahs they make free labor out of!"

"Rick do something!"

"Would love too but cant... you upsetted the balance Morty. Wanna see where your parents are?"

He flicks the channel and sees Jerry sobbing in prison and Beth yelling at him.

"What would posess you to tell Leslie Jones to kill herself?!"

"I dont know! Ghostbusters was just so bad Beth! How do you ruin slimer?!"

A big burly guy twirls Jerry's hair.

"Ill slime you bebe gurl..."

Jerry whimpers

"Beth this guy messed up on his taxes THREE TIMES and never paid the 20 dollars...i wont make it pass noon. Get me outta here!"

Morty throws the deathnote down.

"Rick...im sorry ok?! You were right. We should all be asshole nihilists like you. Please do something!"

"Morty you're not listening. You upsetted a natural order of sorts. you (belch!) youd have to kill like the entirety of the U.S. to make this better Morty!"

"I dont know 300 million peoples names Rick! And...and im pretty sure Id get carpel tunnel syndrome writing that much. Would that many names even fit on the deathnote?!"

"Morty. I knew youd pull some shit that would spiral us into an Orwellian nightmare because youre such a goody two shoe little shit...so here Morty."

Rick tosses him a yellow flash drive.

"Yellow is your favorite color right?"

"Awww Rick. Thats almost..."

"Now stick it up your butt Morty."

"Annnnd the moment is gone."

"Stick it up your butt, learn all those names, and kill 300 million Americans Morty! Death to America!"

"Geez Rick wow...thats like...thats like even before all this you cant say stuff like that Rick."

"Death to America Morty! Ok fine!"

He grabs the deathnote and squints his eyes scribbling...

"You always gotta be a difficult little bitch Morty..."

Hw shoves the deathnote into Mortys chest.

"There!"

"...Rick this just says the admins of Reddit and Mark Zuckerberg...twice"

"oops sorry...forgot someone"

Writes some more

"This just says 4chan"

Rick puts back on the news and it says people are being released from jail despite social media buzzing with cyber bullying.

Jerry is calling Leslie Jones a lesbian and a nigger on a laptop in jail and high fives the mistake taxes guy.

It turns out when people have an outlet they arent such stark raving lunatics hellbent on being some sort of despot. And when the social bar is lowered people act generally better out of relief.

So everyone needs to grow a pair, either fuck with people or be kind, but stop being Duterte. It seems to work for animals...

"You did it Rick! You saved everyone!"

"I didnt do it for them or you Morty..."

Rick looks up

"Comeout of hiding Ryuk. Your little troll session is over with."

"Humans are so INTERESTING!!!"

"That (belch) better be bad dubbing and not the actual dialogue..."

Rick takes a hit of his flask.


End file.
